Archive for the 'Self Improvement' Category

Jul192008

Sex and the Art of Overcomplicating - Part 1

whisper in dark

For some reason humans have some gene that wants to make simple issues complex.

Overcomplicating. Making something bigger than it is. Creating a mountain out of a molehill.

Call it what you want, but there aren’t very many things that mess up situations in life more than making a problem or situation grow to disproportionately. Think of the last time you had an argument or disagreement with someone - did you find it escalate? Each side digging their heels in more?

I think we (all of us) have a tendency to read too much into things - we make assumptions and judgments and conclusions without having anything real to base them on. It seems that our brains don’t like to sit on issues for very long. It suits us better to make a snap decision, check the thought off of our mental list and move on.

In relationships, how many times have you heard: “sex will just complicate things”? Why is this? The pressing emotional and physical needs get ‘checked off’ by the brain, regardless of the consequences.

It happens all the time in business (if it didn’t, then Dilbert writer Scott Adams would be out of a job). Meetings and discussions ad-nauseum for the sake of more meetings and discussions. The more time, effort, analysis are wielded to decide to make decisions to make an end decision.

Overcomplicating can be insidious. It creeps up on you when you least expect it.

We were recently looking financing for our real estate investment business. The structure, terms and payment schedule were what we expected - however, when it came down to which properties to finance the water got a little murky. We started to analyze things more and more. We questioned our original plan; was it still valid? What about “X” or “Y” or “Z”? It seemed like our minds were playing tricks on us. We had lost sight of the overriding goal and intent of our actions. We had overcomplicated a situation that, in its essence, was really quite simple.

Too much information can cause analysis paralysis - which we experienced. Fear and uncertainty can also cause us to make things much bigger than they really are - if we overcomplicate it, we can analyze it more and more and avoid making a decision.

Remember the KISS principle? Keep It Simple Stupid. The more we adhere to this the better off we will be - in all situations.

Jul152008

Tuesday Top 5: 5 People I’d Like to Meet

If you could have dinner with any 5 people in the world today, who would you pick? Variations of this hypothetical question have been discussed for ages (historical figures, athletes, etc.). What I find interesting is that my list has changed a lot from the last time I really thought about it.

**Now, when I say “really thought about it” I don’t mean that I am dedicating serious time on a regular basis to thinking about who I’d like to meet, well…maybe too much time but not really that much - does that make sense? sure…**

I thought I would have a little fun with today’s Top 5 and list the 5 people in the world today that I would like to have dinner with along with a brief explanation of why. The list is not in any particular order of relevance or importance.

1. Barack Obama

obama

I want to look into his eyes and see if this guy is for real or not. I honestly don’t know which way I am going to cast my vote yet in November, but Obama seems to be a candidate that has such an abundance of charisma and charm that it would be a lot of fun to be around him for a few minutes. Although I wasn’t around when John F. Kennedy was running for president, I think that there are some definite similarities between the two and I would like to hear Obama’s candid take on what he thinks of the parallel.

2. Alan Greenspan

greenspan

I want to get his truly candid thoughts about what it will take to put American’s economy on the right track for the long term. I’d like to get a few glasses of wine in him and get him to open up about his real feelings about the current credit crunch situation and what he feels like his role was in precipitating it. Also, I’d like to know how he managed to successfully navigate the dicey political waters of Washington politics so deftly for so many years and how he was married to a professional reporter and somehow no real big or meaningful information ever leaked (secret underground lair, anyone?)

3. Robert Kiyosaki (aka: Rich Dad)

rich dad

I first read Rich Dad, Poor Dad about six years ago, and I can honestly say the book helped change the way I thought about money and wealth accumulation. However, I have had some lingering thoughts since I put the book down, such as: was there really a ‘rich dad’? Was Kiyosaki truly ‘financially free’ before releasing the Rich Dad book series? Why did he wait so long to have ‘Rich Dad Coaching’? Maybe there is a hidden skeptic inside of me, but I just can’t help wonder these things. I think this book really re-launched what I call the “self-help wealth” information marketing movement, so I think it would be fun to have a candid conversation with a catalyst.

4. Tim Ferriss

ferriss

The Four Hour Workweek has to be the ‘paradigm’ shifting book for a new generation of entrepreneurs and workers. I like this book and his companion ‘Lifestyle Design’ blog so much that I think it would be a blast to have dinner with him. For anyone that has read the book or blog, you know that very few writers and bloggers could gain such immense popularity and worldwide attention with such a seemingly wide (but actually well-niched) focus on all things relevant to a mobile and flexible lifestyle.

5. Hu Jintao

hu

The leader of the world’s most populous nation (hint: China) has such a big job that I wonder how one deals with that level of responsibly. With China becoming a rapidly rising world superpower (not just economic superpower) I can’t help but wonder what goes through his mind as he looks at his to-do list every day:

  • feed 1.4 million people left homeless by earthquake
  • merge communist party politics with 21st century global capitalism
  • lunch
  • escalate rhetoric of taking over Taiwan by force
  • practice speech for Olympic games opening ceremony

I’m not sure if it really looks like that or not, but it would be fun to ask him.

Well, there you have the Top 5 people I’d like to meet - at least as of right now.

Let the proverbial #!%! hit the fan (this is my way of saying I welcome your comments and feedback).

Jun282008

Saturday Op-Ed: Defining Your Life

Yesterday I was driving throughout southern Macomb County, in Metro Detroit, looking at some property acquisitions with one of my business partners, Dylan Tanaka. We were stopped at a traffic light and I glanced around, taking in the sites of an area that looked like it had seen better days (better days are ahead, in my view, but not yet on the horizon).

As we sat at a traffic light, I noticed a woman walking across the street in front of us. She couldn’t have been past her mid-30’s. What struck me, however was that she was sheparding six children, all under the age of 10. It was a hot and humid day, and they all looked quite uncomfortable. All appearances and circumstances indicated that they weren’t living in the land of milk and honey. The woman, in particular, looked as though she would rather be somewhere else, anywhere else. She had a look of despair and forlornness that I hadn’t seen in a long time.

The light turned green. We moved on and so did the woman, but the look on her face left an impression on me. I started asking myself questions like: Did this woman ever define what she wanted in life? Did she ever get a chance?

I often talk to other entrepreneurs and prospective entrepreneurs who are eager to quit their jobs about ‘defining their lifestyle’, as in: define the life you want to live, use your business as a vehicle to achieve it. What gets lost in the mix of this message sometimes is a dose of perspective.

When you are in the trenches building your business everyday, it’s easy to become myopic. We become mired in squabbles over changes in the tax code and get upset when our internet is down for more than 30 seconds. We can become so focused on our goals that we lose sight of how far we have come and how fortunate we are. On this count, I plead guilty. My focus and routine almost detach me from the rest of the world at certain points and I have to force myself to take more time to see the big picture. It’s sobering- like getting a cooler full of ice cold water thrown on you.

As I thought about the woman at the traffic light, I wondered to myself: “is this woman existing or living?” Who was I to say (or even wonder)? But, I could not push this question out of my mind. I thought about this as it applied to my own life, family, business and career. I encourage you to do the same thing. Stop for a second and ask yourself if you are existing or living?

There is a difference.

Chances are you will know the answer right away. Being conscious of the fact that there is a difference will help you gain some perspective in short order. And, if you are conscious of the difference, start defining your life, be thankful that you can and stop standing still.

Jun72008

Ok, Stop Talking

shark

Zig Ziglar, one of the world’s foremost motivational speakers, likes to say;

“God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason

The reason is that you should listen twice as much as you talk. But, how many people actually do this?

I am routinely astounded when I am talking to somebody and it is blatantly obvious that they are not even close to listening to a word I say because they are so intensely focused on what they are going to say next. Have you ever had a conversation like this? Where the other person doesn’t appear to be listening to a word you are saying? I have been both a victim and a perpetrator of this crime (rest assured, this is an area of continuous self improvement for me - honest!)

Most people don’t understand how powerful words are. When you speak something, you are giving life to whatever you are speaking on or about. Your brain makes a connection when words crystallize into verbal noises deciphered by your eardrums.

If you are having a problem in your business (or your life for that matter), chances are it is because you aren’t listening and you are talking too much.

When I was running my first business, a vending machine company, I remember working on signing up a new account. I said and did all the right things to win this guy over. He had already said ‘yes’ but we hadn’t signed any paperwork yet. I figured it was in the bag. After a while, we stood around the front desk of his hotel talking. Naturally, I felt that I had to keep making him feel good about selecting my company for his vending machine needs. I continued to tell him what great service we had, how we would not let him down, how our product was always fresh and so on. Basically, having diarrhea of the mouth.

I noticed his mood start to change after a while. What was once a good rapport was quickly deteriorating. He started to not say a whole lot back when I would say something. “Did I offend this guy?” I thought to myself. Time seemed to drag on indefinitely and I finally got around to getting the contract out and asking him to review and sign it. He looked at it for a second and then said that he would have to review this and get back to me and that he would call me. I knew what this meant right away; no new account. He had effectively killed it. Why: because I could not SHUT UP, I talked myself right out of the sale.

Have you ever talked yourself out of a sale? Have you ever had something you wanted in your hands only to have your mouth ruin it? Maybe it wasn’t to place vending machines in a hotel, but it could be something else: going for a promotion, getting a date, getting a new customer? My guess is that this has happened to you, whether you realize it or not.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

-Proverbs 18:21

May302008

So, What Don’t You Want?

no

There never seems to be a shortage of people who are willing to tell you what to do. No matter what aspect of life it is: career, entrepreneurship, parenting, marriage, spirituality, fitness - there are innumerable experts and pundits that are happy to tell you what you should do and how you should do it.

I’ve read dozens of success and self-help books. Some of them good, some of them bad. One of the recurring themes throughout these books is an emphasis on getting clear about what you want. What are your goals? What are your dreams? Where do you want to be in 5 years? etc.

While I’m not going to attempt to usurp authors like Zig Ziglar and Anthony Robbins, I want to make a point of how reverse psychology can help you get closer to where you want to be.

Focusing on what you want in life in terms of lifestyle, money, health, family and other areas is good. But, what I have had even more success with is defining what I DON’T want.

“How is this different?” you might be asking. Well, to me it is profoundly different for several reasons.

Let me lead with one of Thomas Edison’s most famous quotes: “Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won’t work.”

Perhaps I should just end with that quote, I can’t really claim to out-wit one of the greatest inventors in American history. But, here goes.

First of all, I think finding out what you don’t want puts something finite and concrete in your brain and your brain likes it. We are conditioned this way from when we are young. For example: cross the street, but only cross within in the white lines of the cross walk. I think we force ourselves to focus more when we know there are certain rules. Developing a list of things you DON’T want is kind of like having a set of rules that govern your life.

Setting goals about what you DO want is great, but what knowing what you DON’T want is often derived from experience, which makes it set more permanently into your psyche.

Secondly, defining what you DON’T want helps you realize in more profound terms what it is you DO want. For me, this epiphany came when I quit a fairly well paying corporate job to strike out on my own. One day I just realized that working in a cubicle farm under florescent lights and having 8 different bosses drone on about mission statements was not for me (ok, I borrowed that last part from Office Space).

billy

Lastly, defining what you DON’T want, under any circumstances, helps instill a stronger sense of discipline into your daily life. A lot of people think discipline has to do with punishment, but it really means adhering to rules and principles and making no excuses or exceptions. I have been more successful in my endeavors when I have kept to a disciplined focus. The discipline is strongly derived from keeping away from what you DON’T want.

Here’s another example: I want to build my business bigger and better each day. Each day brings forth opportunities. Some opportunities are potentially lucrative, and I am inclined to pursue them, but pursuing them would violate one of the things I absolutely do not want in my business life: complexity (too many moving parts). I prefer to stay with a strict and simple value proposition. To me, life is complicated enough and just about every human being on earth is involved in a mad conspiracy to complicate things further and muddy up their lives. Therefore, knowing what I DON’T want helps me stay disciplined in pursuing my end business goals.

Now, what to do?

I think it’s going to be pretty easy for you to get clear about what you don’t want to do. It might even be fun. We’ll revisit this topic in a future post and I’ll share some of my absolute DON’T list (it’s getting larger by the day - does that mean I’ll be trapped in my own cocoon pretty soon?).

May272008

Tuesday Top 5: 5 Ways To Tell You Need a Growth Spurt

When we’re growing up we can’t help but grow physically and mentally. Our bones, tendons, ligaments and muscles mature each year until we reach around 18 years of age. We also grow in knowledge of the world. We learn how to walk without falling down, cross the street without getting hit by a car and feed and cloth ourselves. All of this comes pretty naturally.

baby

Then, something strange happens.

We enter into adulthood and we have to start exerting more and more effort in order to grow. We have to study if we go to college or technical school. We have to exert ourselves physically if we want our bodies to improve. We have to be extra careful not to get hit by cars as we wander across the street in iPod oblivion with a venti latte in our hand.

It’s a sad fact that many American adults hit their growth peak when they have lived only 25% of their life. How many people do you know actively push themselves to learn and do new things on a regular basis? How many people do you know continue to learn new skills and ideas beyond the bare minimum requirements to keep their jobs? How many married parents do you know who actually take the time to learn how to become better spouses and parents (reading books, researching, etc.)?

I think the majority of American’s would rather spend time out in their yards mindlessly picking through weeds and planting new things in their backyard gardens than learning or experiencing new things that would help them to grow as people.

Yesterday (Memorial Day in the U.S.), I took my dog for a walk through my neighborhood. As I passed each house, I couldn’t help but wonder what my neighbors were up to. Were they having fun with their families? Were they doing laundry? Were they any further to where they wanted to be in life on this Memorial Day versus last Memorial Day?

Making my way back home from my walk, I thought about what the warning signs would be that you need a growth spurt in your life. I came up with a Big 5.0 of them.

1. You know the hometowns of the American Idol contestants

idol

Put down the remote control and pick up a book. Instead of plugging into The Matrix at night when you get home from work (or never leaving The Matrix), swallow the red pill and read a book. It can be a book about anything, just fire some neurons instead of letting them idly sit in your brain. Eventually you will let go a sigh of relief when you realize how fun it is to think for yourself.

2. You can’t remember the last time your heart rate exceeded 150 beats per minute

If you aren’t regularly exercising, you are missing one of the best parts of life. Exercising can help you push your personal limits, build confidence and give you unbelievable health benefits. Unless you are truly incapacitated, find some type of physical activity that will accomplish the following:

-make you sweat

-make you tired

-make you wish, at one point during, that you weren’t doing it (this is where the growth part comes in - making yourself do things you haven’t before)

I promise that you won’t regret this and you will find things out about yourself that you never knew.

yoga

3. Your child asks you who you are going to vote for and you quote Rush Limbaugh word for word

pols

Turn off CNN and attend your next city council meeting. Most of the political changes that effect your personal life and jobs in your area are going to be at the local and state level. Your county sheriff’s and prosecutors help keep your streets safe and your city planning commission helps decide what buildings and new business developments are going to come to your town.

4. You can’t name 5 technological changes that will effect the future of your job and/or your business

This should be a no-brainer. In your heart of hearts, you know that technology is shaping the future of your career right now. You know that your skills could be rendered obsolete with the creation of the next great Google algorithm. If this is the case, then why aren’t you learning what those little dots on the horizon are so you can, at the very least, maintain your economic value and, at best, capitalize on these coming changes to be better at what you do?

laser

5. You can’t remember the last time you did something crazy

Maybe you won’t go base jumping tomorrow, but you should try to do things on a regular basis that you might consider completely nuts. Why? Because it will get your blood moving and make you think about things a little differently, if even for just a second. But, thinking differently for that once second could the difference maker you need.

So, what would be something nuts? It all depends on your scale, but here are some suggestions:

-sing karaoke with the music turned down

-tell a few of your favorite jokes at open mic night at your local comedy club

-take a random sick day off for no reason in the middle of the week and read a book or newspaper at a coffee house

crazy

If any of the above applies to you, I suggest you get moving. If you are thinking of an excuse as to why you aren’t moving, please see my post from last week on excuses by clicking here.