I am a money laundering fool.
Well, not really, but I might as well be considering the treatment I get at banks.
Yesterday I needed to do some personal banking. However, even before I walked into the branch I was on edge. Why? Just the day before, I had tried and failed to find a National City Bank (recently purchased by PNC) near my office that was open later than 4 PM. That’s right. And I live in a Metropolitan area of over 4 million people. Irritating to say the least.
Ok. So, I can deal with looking like an after-hours bank stalker (passers by probably thought I was casing the joint for a robbery), roaming from bank to bank trying to find a branch that operates in the real world where normal people work throughout the day and past 4:00 pm. What I can’t deal with is what ensued when I actually cleared an hour out of my day and went into a branch.
Read on…
We’re back to yesterday and I walked up to the teller window, handed her my deposit ticket with two checks and a smile. After a minute or two of clicking away on her computer, she scrunches her face, pauses for a few seconds, and tells me that she will have to place two different holds on the funds deposited from the checks. Out of a total of roughly a $7,000 deposit, $4,000 won’t be available until 5 business days later and the remaining $3,000 will be available in 10 business days.
Having dealt with holds on checks before (successfully, I might add), I was curious this time as to why they would place a hold, since I have had an account at the bank for over 4 years, routinely make deposits of this size (drawn from the same accounts - from my business and have never bounced a check.
Upon inquiring with the branch manager, I was informed that this was “policy.” Admittedly, I got a bit belligerent; “so, your policy is to upset your depositors?” I asked. I submitted my argument (that these check amounts and drawn-on banks were consistent - for over 14 months, etc.). After getting some more corporate drone propaganda babble, I simply smiled, grabbed my receipt and left.
Not once during this trip, or other trips to the bank did anyone at any branch do anything to provide any level of customer service. Apparently, customers aren’t important anymore to these institutions. They are getting away from the basics of business - which is never a good idea.
The management of these big banks either: A. have a really good, dynamic growth strategy or, B. are really screwed up.
I’m guessing, since the business model the brilliant managers of these big banks pursued was loaning money to hoards of people with hardly a pulse (called subprime and alt-A) and buy all kinds of super risky credit derivatives and then pay themselves insane bonuses that would make even the 19th century robber barons turn over in their graves.
It seems to me that when any business gets away from the basics, like taking care of customers, things get dicey. When companies get delusional and think they can be all things to all people, or pursue things way outside of what they are good at/able to, unpleasant results (e.g. lower profits) ensue in due course.
Maybe retail banking is just being geared to be taken over by robots in the future or it will be entirely self-service. All in the name of efficiency. Well, when you force customers to conform (as all banks can, because our society is built around electronic money blips that mandate institutions at virtually all levels) it can appear that they are accepting it, when in reality they are resentful and looking for other options.
My solution(s).
- Start my own bank
- Switch banks
- The old capitalist way
The old capitalist way would have you purchase a share or two of your bank’s stock (assuming publicly traded) and show up to the shareholder meeting. In rare Gordon Gekko form, you would make a compelling speech to management, in which you would inform them that they are making costly mistakes at a grass roots level. Of course, this approach is probably moot at this point in time, because the federal government is nationalizing banks (effectively) at such an alarming rate that, instead of lobbying the managers of the banks for real change to make you a happier customer (and, hence, more profitable for the bank) you will have to write impassioned letters to your congressmen and congresswomen. What a strange world we live in now.
For now, I am going to opt for switching banks. I’m longing for the old days..you know, a bank like Cheers, where everybody knows my name. This may be like searching for the lost city of gold, but I’ll find one.
As far as opening a bank, I always have an eye on opportunities to capitalize where others are screwing it up royally. Give it some time, though. You never know what could happen. Crazier things have…
